When Twilight Characters find The Cullen Song
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: When Twilight Characters find The Cullen Song on YouTube. Note: This is a PARODY. No flames. They will be ignored. Also, Victoria is alive. A week before BD.


**When Twilight Characters find **_**The Cullen Song **_**on YouTube**

**Note: Yaoi reference.**

**Second Note: I hate Yaoi**

**Third note: I do not hate Twilight!**

**Fourth note (wow, quite a lot of notes): Review and no flames please!**

**Disclaimer: Well, I think it's obvious I don't own Twilight, but I feel I need to say I don't own the Cullen Song either. So… I don't own it?**

1 Volturi

Aro stood on his throne, deep in thought about what to do with the human girl, Isabella. _Aah, she would make a nice snack indeed, but dear Edward would rather die than let her become a snack. And Edward is such a __pretty__ specimen too…_

"Lord Aro," Jane started, "Alec and I wish to show you something we found online. It might interest you…"

Caius raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Marcus just looked bored.

Jane nodded to Alec, who put the black ASUS on a desk that magically appeared in front of the three thrones. Aro signaled to Alec that he could press play.

Alec did so.

On the screen, the words, _brabrafl presents… _floated, before disappearing, in order to allow other words in. _ The Cullen Song to "The Llama Song"._

Aro raised an eyebrow. "What is the meaning of—"

"Shhh!" Jane said.

Aro shut his mouth just as music started playing.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old (Aro frowned at this, although it was true.)_  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold._

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

Caius looked strangely faint. Alec looked like he would want to shrivel up and die. Jane was beaming at all the suffering around her, and Aro was scowling.

Marcus was, yet again, bored.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Aro thundered. "THAT'S IT! NO ONE DARES TO CALL ME OLD! FIND THE PERSON WHO DID THIS! _KILL ITTTTTT!"_

Suddenly, Marcus spoke. "Brother, I found it pretty funny."

Aro looked murderous.

--

In Forks, Washington, the Cullen house ("Cough, mansion"), Bella was sighing on Edward's chest. They were only a week away from their wedding, and both Alice and Esme were already almost done with the planning.

Suddenly, a thunderously calm voice was heard. "M-a-r-c-u-s… What did you SAY???!!!"

Carlisle, coming downstairs, laughed. "I guess they got my email. "

Alice bounced off the stairs as well. "Show it to us?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Jasper grinned at his wife and cradled her in his arms. "As if you don't already know what it is about," he murmured into her hair, causing her to giggle. Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Yes, Carlisle, show it to us?"

Carlisle nodded and went in front of the computer. Seeing all his family crowded in front of it as well, Edward picked up Bella and went over there too.

Just in time.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

"What. The. Eff?" Emmet asked, gaping at the screen. Carlisle laughed. "Yes, I had the same reaction as you did when I first saw it. But it's not like people are gonna pick up the fact that we're vampire from this, right?"

"YO, CULLENS! OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE WE LIT YOU UP, YOU BLOODTHIRSTY VAMPIRES!!!"

Everyone paled.

--

"Hey Emily," Sam greeted. "Did you see the video that went viral this week? It's with the Cullens."

Emily put her plate down on the counter. "No, what is it?"

Paul grinned. "It's so goddamned hilarious! You have GOT to watch it."

Emily raised her eyebrows at him, but sat in a chair and opened her laptop, "What should I do now?"

"Go on Youtube and type 'The Cullen Song The Llama Song'," Sam instructed. "It's the first that appears on screen."

Emily did what she was told to. Then she leaned back into her chair and watched.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

"Oh my," Emily says. Just then, Paul turned on the TV on the news.

"_A few minutes ago, we found that vampires myths are true. The Cullens, who live in Forks, Washington, were burned to bits as we found out they were not what they seemed. Now, enough with myths, let's go to suicides. After her boyfriend was killed, Isabella Swan killed herself with a kitchen knife."_

"… Oh my," Emily repeated, echoing the thoughts of the werewolves in the room.

--

Jacob kept his scowl on his face as he entered the hotel and went to the free Wi-Fi spot, which also had computers. He inserted a dollar for 10 minutes online and entered on Youtube to see the most popular video. Seeing a familiar name, curiosity got the better of him as he clicked on the video 'Cullen Song (Parody of Llama Song)'.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

Jake was at loss of words. "I… I imprint on a bloody duck????"

Suddenly, in the room, the sound of _Breaking News _was heard. _"The myth of vampires is not a myth anymore! And now, before we launch into details, we have an announcement. Our first modern day coven of vampires, the Cullens, living in Forks, Washington, were killed! Also, one of the most attached human to them, Isabella Swan, committed suicide! Rachel, back to you!"_

For the first time, Jacob didn't have a witty remark.

--

Victoria lay into her evil lair and cackled as she watched the news. "Yes, very good, the Cullens and their little human pet died… Now, let's watch the video that made them die…"

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

Victoria never felt so happy in her life, as she laughed herself into…

…into a river that flowed very fast.

Well, _damn._

--

Carmen and Eleazar burst in the Denali household with mortified faces. "Have you heard? The Cullens are dead!"

Tanya and Kate nodded, looking faint (as faint as a vampire could).

"This is the video that caused their deaths," Kate said, pressing play on the computer.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

"That's it, I'll avenge the Cullens!" Tanya screamed.

"What about the human?" Carmen asked.

"Screw her! She stole my Edward!" Tanya trashed against her sister's grip.

"Sorry Tanya, but this'll hurt a bit," Kate warned as she zapped her sister.

--

Maria was slurping on her Blood Latte as she heard the news. "So… the Cullens are dead. Poor Jasper," Maria sighed. "He was such a good fighter. To lose against some armed humans… Pity."

Maria logged in her Youtube account (marymary1345) and looked at what her Subscriptions added. There she found an interesting video.

Cullen Song (Parody of Llama Song).

So, naturally, she clicked on it.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

Maria couldn't hold herself any longer. She burst out laughing.

"I love the person who did this!"

--

Charlotte grinned as she watched the human struggle to find a free room to the hotel. She and Peter (who was sprawled on the red sofa in the lobby) were trying to find a room. "Aha!" the human (John was his name) said, as he handed Charlotte the keys. "Room 821. Please make yourself comfortable in our hotel."

"Thank you very much," Charlotte said, before she addressed him again. "Excuse me, sir… Could you tell me the latest gossip?" she asked in an English accent. "My husband and I have been travelling a lot and we have no idea what's going on."

"Oh, of course!" the man stuttered. "A few minutes ago, they announced to the world that they found out vampires exist!" 

Charlotte laughed. "Do they sleep in coffins?" she asked naturally.

"Miss, this is true," the man was dead serious. "The captured and killed one coven of vampires. Cullen, they call themselves."

Charlotte paled. "How did they know?" she asked weakly, now aware of Peter glaring sharply at everyone.

"There was a video, on Youtube. It's called 'Cullen Song (The Llama Song Parody)'," the man explained.

"Aha. And could we watch it?" Charlotte asked, scared out of her wits.

"Of course!" John beamed. "Follow me!" Charlotte signaled to Peter to follow her, entering in a room.

"This is it!" John pressed play.

_Here's a Cullen  
There's a Cullen  
And another little Cullen.  
Fuzzy Cullen  
Funny Cullen  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck._

Cullen  
Cullen  
Werewolf  
Cullen.  
Grizzly  
Human  
Piano  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Bracelet  
Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

I was once a Volvo  
Cedward baked a cake  
But(t) I never saw the way  
The Bella kissed the Jake.  
I was only just undead  
Alice told a tale  
And now listen, Bella dear  
Jacob wags his tail.

Did you ever see a Cullen  
Kiss a Cullen  
On the Cullen?  
Cullens Cullen tastes of Cullen.  
Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Half a Cullen  
Twice a Cullen  
Not a Cullen  
Newton  
Cullen.  
Cullen in a car  
Alarm a Cullen  
Cullen  
Truck.

Is this how its told now?  
Aro is so old  
Is it made of venom juice?  
Sparkle  
Marble  
Cold.

Alice likes to spend the cash  
Jacobs out of luck  
And in the final chapter  
He imprints with a duck.

Peter was growling. Charlotte snarling. "I don't think we need services anymore, Mr. John," Peter said coolly. Charlotte nodded and, almost immediately, they ran out of the room.

John was soon forgotten by the pair of vampires.

--

In the exact same time, plans were made. First, the Volturi prepared an army. Second, Tanya, Kate, Eleazar and Carmen went out to find Irina so they could join the Volturi against the human that made the video. Thirdly, Peter and Charlotte were racing towards their friends to get them join the Volturi along with them to get revenge.

And lastly, Felix was drowning in his own sufferings when he realized that it was too late to delete the video about the infamous Cullens.

The End?


End file.
